Oh what would we do without friends! No matter how stupid your friends are, you know survival without them in this matlabi world would be difficult. Sure, there are times when you just want to run a drill machine through their heart and watch them die, but there are also these moments when you’ve felt like hugging them for 10 years straight. Having friends is like being in a love/hate relationship, except that you don’t have to buy expensive gifts when they’re angry at you. A smack in the face would do just fine to get them back to doing senseless things with you. Following are the types of friends in every gang –
1. The friend who laughs loudly
If loudspeakers were human beings, it would be like this friend of yours who has no regard for human ear decibel levels. They’re so irritating, they’ll burst out laughing loudly at the most sophisticated places as if they’re trying to contact the aliens in the universe through their laughs. You’ve all tried to limit your jokes when they’re around because you know what storm can be expected if they find something funny. It’s not just their laugh, they’re generally so loud that someone sitting 20 feet away will be able to hear them clearly. They’re hearing ability has been completely destroyed by their own laughs.
2. The friend who is awkward
This friend is the funniest and also the one that should be pitied because no matter how hard they try to not do things, it happens on its own. They’ll keep falling around as if mother earth is applying too much gravity on this one person to pull them down. They keep dropping things and spend hours trying to pick them up. They act all weird if they meet someone they don’t know, and end up being perceived as a mentally challenged person by the others. Don’t choose them to be your wing man under any circumstances unless you want to end up alone.
3. The friend who is always hungry
There is nothing in the world that can satisfy this whale of a human being when it comes to food. Normal people have like 3 to 4 meals a day, but they have around 10 meals which is still too less according to them. Anywhere they go, they’ll always keep stopping to stock up food supplies as they feel famished even after walking for 10 seconds. If you don’t see to it that they’re being fed properly on regular intervals, they’ll throw in tantrums and be rude as fuck. The only way to tackle them is ensure you have proper food supplies until their alive, and then they are Satan’s problem, not yours.
4. The friend who needs therapy
This retarded asshole is the reason why you have been banned from your local McDonald’s. There’s always something up this person’s sleeve, some wacky idea that nobody sane would ever think about. You’ve all tried holding and intervention to tell them how they need to calm the fuck down, but they’ve never taken y’all seriously. Maybe you could all arrange for kidnapping them and take them to a shrink because they sure need one.
5. The friend everyone hates
This friend is not really a friend. The whole gang hates them and they only talk to them because of societal obligations. Everyone has had enough of their stupid tantrums and disrespect for others, but no one says anything to avoid controversies. Maybe everyone is just in contact with them to know what’s going on their life, and celebrate together when something bad happens to them.
6. The friend who is no longer a friend
Once upon a time, this person used to be a part of your group, and you’ve all had fun times with them. They may have left the city, shifted to a new place or purposely broken all contacts with everyone, but they’re no longer your friend. You miss them sometimes, especially when you remember old days, and wish how different things would be if they were still talking to you. But you all love them and hope the best for them wherever they might be.
They’re insane, but they’re friends.