Are you absolutely not a morning person like a lot of people? Do you loathe yourself when seeing someone fully energetic and ready to rule the world at freakin’ 4 o’ clock in the morning and you can’t even stand properly? Is this the only problem that keeps getting you fired from every job because you can’t make it on time? Welcome to the club, my friend. There’s a lot of us that want others to understand exactly how hard it is to be us. For them and for you, Every Not A Morning Person In The World –
1. What alarms?
Often when we complain about not being able to get up in the morning to others who can, we are suggested to use alarms. Now we may shy away sheepishly, pretending to give a thought to your advice, but let me tell you, we’ve all tried it. We have set alarms for 5 in the morning, praying that maybe this will help, but have always ended up smashing our phones or clocks to the wall. Even if the devil himself comes up to us and says our time on earth is done, we’ll probably smash him against the wall too. So keep this stupid advice to yourself, you asshole.
2. What cardio?
For everyone who gets up early in the morning to workout and go to gyms, you’re single-handedly the reason for our low self-esteem and confidence. We already have issues going to work in the morning, don’t get the time to eat all day because we’re late and reach home late to be able to do anything. But you, you geniuses! You’re not human, let me tell you. You’re a dark creature who was sent to make our miserable life even more miserable. Take pity on us and stop with whatever it is that you’re trying to prove. The only cardio we’re ever going to get close to is running down the streets because of being late.
3. What appropriate behaviour?
If you’re friends we someone who is not a morning person, you might have learned after all these years that morning is not really the time to speak to them. We are cranky, we hate our lives, and while we’re still digesting the fact of being away from bed this early, you want to small talk with us. What did you expect? Honey pouring out of our mouths? Get ready for some never heard insults and our real thoughts about you because you’ve tried to mess with us at our worst. If you want to break all contacts with us, this would be a really nice way. You get what you want and we sure as hell are not going to apologize, bitch.
4. What breakfast?
In your life, there might be three meal time, which is breakfast, lunch and dinner. For us, it’s just lunch and dinner. Like life wasn’t hard enough, we get time to eat food only two times a day. Do you realize how delicious breakfast meals are and how we don’t get the time for them? McDonalds serves breakfast only till 11, which is kind of offensive towards us. Why aren’t we entitled to pancakes with maple syrup all day round so we can enjoy that whenever we want to? Just one of your stupid world rules, you morons.
5. What life?
Because of some rule devised by a person who loves mornings, everything in the world is supposed to begin that time. What about people who don’t love mornings? Did you think about them? No, you only thought about yourself. As a child, we woke up early for school. As a teenager, we woke up early for college. Now, we wake up early for work. Let me tell you that things might get better for others with time, it surely doesn’t for us. And this is how it’s going to be all our lives. Not everyone understands our problems, and you know it’s hard to be us. Next time before complaining, try hugging and consoling us. Not in the morning, though!
Hang in there, it gets worse.